ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
