We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize