well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
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