We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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