Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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