before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
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