Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Randomize
