i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
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