I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
