You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Randomize