Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize