You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Randomize
