I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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