once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
