i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
