The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
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