Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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