She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Randomize
