Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
