That's intense
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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