Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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