I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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