Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize