I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
