I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Randomize
