I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
