I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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