he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Randomize
