Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
they need to just BURY HIM!
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
if only i could text you this smell
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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