He told me they were just razor bumps!
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
