I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Randomize
