i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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