it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Randomize
