the condom got lost in my hair
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Randomize
