Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
