i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
We're too hungover to prance.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
