Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize
