not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Randomize
