I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
