That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
