do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Randomize