oh god the rape fog is back!
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Randomize
