Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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