So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
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