I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
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