i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
