you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
