Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Randomize