So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Randomize
