i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize