We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
