come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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