You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
