....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Are my feet made of real feet?
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
