On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Life is so much better after having sex.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Randomize
