HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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