her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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