don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
