I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
