My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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