planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
