i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
