i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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