You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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