Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
