just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
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