I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
