Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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