would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
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