Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
