Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
