school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I need a burrito and a hug.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
