I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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