My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Randomize
