Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
My feet surprised me
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